Seventeen-year-old Blaze Planter is a Jr. at Kilwade, High School.
His parents have recently divorced.
His grades are slipping.
His anger is growing with each day.
Relationships with his closest friends are failing.
Secrets about his life are being uncovered.
No one understands what he is going through.
And everyone who has betrayed him needs to be taught a lesson.
So now he stands with the one friend that has never betrayed him.
The one friend that does what he asks every time he squeezes the trigger.
The only friend that he can depend on.
Tragedies don’t just happen. The signs are simply overlooked every day until it’s too late.
His parents have recently divorced.
His grades are slipping.
His anger is growing with each day.
Relationships with his closest friends are failing.
Secrets about his life are being uncovered.
No one understands what he is going through.
And everyone who has betrayed him needs to be taught a lesson.
So now he stands with the one friend that has never betrayed him.
The one friend that does what he asks every time he squeezes the trigger.
The only friend that he can depend on.
Tragedies don’t just happen. The signs are simply overlooked every day until it’s too late.
This book I took a stab at attacking another very sensitive hot button issue – mass shootings. Specifically school shootings. But this isn’t just another book for me. You see I have a college student and a high school student. As a matter of fact Santa Fe High School is less than fifteen minutes away from my residence.
As I started doing research for this book and I was astounded by some of the numbers. Teen depression and suicide rates are alarmingly high and quite simply we aren’t doing enough. Every minute worldwide another teen takes his or her life. Before you finish reading this email another 2 or 3 will have done so. Let that sink in.
So why am I writing a book about it? Because I have a voice. My books reach thousands of people from every corner of the world. Maybe the right person be it a mom, teacher, aunt, grandmother, dad, a sister or brother will read my book and reach out to a young person they know to help. Maybe that conversation saves some young person’s life. Maybe someone will read my book and decide to do even more in their community. At the very least I hope to raise awareness and generate some conversations.
Next school year I am scheduled to speak at my daughter’s high school. I will have my book with me – and several copies of it. I hope to have it in the administrator’s hands long before then. We have to talk about this – we have to address it. And like I said right now we aren’t doing enough.
This won’t be a feel good story. It won’t showcase the best side of human beings. It will be raw and a direct reflection of high school today and the society around them. For some of you it will be very eye-opening. Social media has changed the landscape of what it means to be a high school student.
After the read be sure to review the author’s note where resources for additional help are listed. There are also discussion questions to generate conversation & get adults and student’s talking.Goodreads
Prologue
Let me just start off by saying that no kid is ever born thinking, one day I’m going to kill myself. If you would have told me six months ago that I was going to kill myself, I would have called you crazy. Only kids dealing with deep mental imbalances do stuff like that - right. Only crazy kids? But here we are.
But why? You’ve got your whole life ahead of you…
Sure, I could go on and live another sixty years here, but you’ll just hurt me more. I know I’m worthless, so why should I drag this out any longer? I’m tired of feeling the shame of not being good enough. I’m tired of being everyone’s punching bag – their needle cushion. I’m tired of loving people as deep as humans can love only to be spat on. Was I only born for you to laugh at me? Why do we hurt each other? Why do you hurt me? I don’t know, but no one will hurt me ever again. No one will hurt me ever again. Never will I give my heart to a girl to have her rip it out for some cheap fun. Never will I walk down the halls while everyone points and stares at me.
Who’s to blame for this? All of you played a part. None of you did enough. Some of you didn’t even try. Most of you wouldn’t have cared anyway. Instead of asking me if I was okay or if I wanted to talk, you laughed at me. You pointed your fingers at me and laughed. Like I don’t feel pain. Like I don’t hurt like anyone else. Like I don’t have feelings. You tore me to pieces one by one, laugh by laugh, day by day. Until finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. I feel nothing. I feel nothing for you or myself. That means that I can hurt you like you hurt me and I will feel nothing. I don’t care about you – honestly, why should that sound weird? You didn’t think about me either. Ever. You used me to make yourselves feel better, to make yourselves feel superior. Good job you win. You finally got me to break.
You’ve made me ashamed to be in my own skin.
Am I the only kid to ever get picked on? Ever have parents get divorced? Ever get cheated on? Ever find out that she was a bastard? No. But I guess I’m not put together like other people because I can’t take it anymore. I don’t have anything to look forward to. It feels like I’m here for no reason other than the joy of others. Am I weak because I don’t want to be kicked again? Maybe. Or maybe we should just treat each other better.
Have you ever walked by a mirror and was disgusted at the image you saw? Then finally one day you just decide you’re no longer going to look in the mirror at all.
I want some of you, as many as I can, to hurt with me. I want your families to hurt because they did nothing either. They knew you laughed at me but no one told you to stop. You thought kicking me, hurting me was fun? For those of you that survive, maybe this changes you. I hope you are kinder to people. I hope you realize that other people besides yourself matter.
Couldn’t any of you see the pain in my eyes when you looked at me? You couldn’t take one second to ask me if I needed help. Not until it was too late.
I’m not perfect. I failed in so many ways – I know. I don’t want to get it wrong anymore. I don’t want to look in the mirror and see myself – see a loser. No one wants to see that.
You’ve made me ashamed to be in my own skin.
Mom, I love you. I was too hard on you these last few months and for that I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that. Take care of Kevin for me. I wish you would have told me about my dad before it was too late.
Kev, I’m sorry that I couldn’t be the big brother that you needed. Add it to the list of things that I failed at. I did love you though.
Dad, I loved you once. I wish you could have loved me back half as much. I wish you could have been the man that you wanted me to be. The man that you pretended you were.
Nikki, we had some good times. I was going to make you my wife but I guess it wasn’t in the cards. Find somebody good. Find someone that will make you smile.
Doc, it might have worked between us? I think it was worth a shot. Thanks for trying to save me. The mountain was just too tall to climb. Don’t give up on people.
Mark, you were my brother from day one. You know more about me than any other human. Thank you for always letting me be me. I love you.
Richard, maybe if you would have called six months ago I’d be in a different place.
There is nothing left for me here. Every time I open my eyes, I see darkness and I’m tired of being alone in the dark. I can’t take any more pain. Why do we hurt each other? Why do we make each other feel smaller than nothing?
I’ve reached the end of my line – you guys win. Congratulations. No one will hurt me ever again.
Why am I doing this in one short sentence? You’ve made me ashamed to be in my own skin.
Cell phone password 454588
Computer password youfailedme
It's okay, that’s enough now. My AR-15 will judge you all today. It will cast a sentence that is undeniable. It will spread the same message to you that you’ve shown me: HATE. Like I said, no one will hurt me ever again. Today, I will get to hurt you.
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Terry Keys is an award-winning novelist, songwriter, and poet. He writes for Examiner.com and works as a project manager in the oil and gas industry. A native of Rosharon, Texas, Keys spends his free time hunting, fishing, and working out. He lives in Dickinson, Texas, with his wife and two children. Please visit his website at http://www.terrykeysbooks.com
2017 NIEA award winner for Chained Guilt.
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