Having an affair is inconceivable to Dani and yet she’s having one with Alex. He’s married, he’s an actor and she’s his agent.
Then Dani meets Sean, a paparazzi photographer with a formidable reputation. It’s a profession that makes him unpredictable at best. A dangerous trait when his motivation to expose becomes personal. Dani knows she’s made mistakes. She also knows she’s not the first person who wilfully hurt someone they love and is simply unable to explain why.
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Twitter: @RobbieNorth
I Can’t Tell You Why
Elaine Robertson North
Dani and Alex are having an affair. He’s an actor, and married with children, and she’s his agent. They haven’t seen each other for a while and the dynamics of their relationship are about to change.
Two days later, Dani sat in a hotel foyer in a carefully chosen position so she would see Alex before he saw her. She was working on the assumption that her immediate reaction on seeing him would determine exactly how much trouble she was in and in her current position she would be able to recover, if necessary, before walking over to greet him.
Oh dear God am I in trouble, she thought, her heart going into a monumental spin as she watched Alex enter. And he was on time. It was getting worse by the minute. Get a grip, she urged herself, for God’s sake get a grip! A thin film of sweat broke out on her palms and she felt physically sick. Meanwhile, valuable seconds were ticking by. As Dani stood up, Alex saw her and smiled and then he was in front of her.
“Hello stranger.”
“Hi,” was all she could manage as they stood there, eyes locked. For a moment, neither said a word until Alex decided it was up to him to take control. “I’ll just go and check in and then…..”
“Then we can have dinner. I booked us a table in the restaurant. I hope that was okay?”
Alex smiled at her. “Sure. I’ll be back in a minute.”
Dani was relieved they were given a quiet table away from the masses where conversation would be easier. It was hard to explain but as she watched him browse the menu, nothing else, indeed nobody else, seemed to exist. How does he do that? she wondered. How does he just walk in and take such control?
“Dani?” She hadn’t realised Alex was talking to her. “Is everything all right?” She had been staring somewhere in space, a slightly pained and anxious look on her face.
“Yes, of course.” She did her best to produce a relaxed, nonchalant smile. “I’m just deciding what to have.”
Alex continued to watch her and felt his stomach tighten. She looked uneasy but was trying so hard to looked poised and in control. Her obvious vulnerabilities just heightened the attraction, a side to her that he knew many never saw. She was undoubtedly a tough negotiator, a claim firmly substantiated by his latest contract but looking at her now, he found it almost impossible to imagine her around a table, taking command of proceedings, striking deals and making demands until she got what she wanted. As the familiar smell of her perfume slowly drifted across the table, he felt his breathing quicken. He had been so busy but she had never been far from his thoughts. He had missed her in a way he had never expected to.
The waiter arrived to take their order and then they were alone again. “So, are you ready for tomorrow?” Dani decided it was her turn to get the polite conversation rolling.
“I guess so. I’ve read the script anyway. That’s always a good start!”
“I’m sure you’ll be fine.”
Alex watched her look nervously around the room. “Dani, this is ridiculous!” She looked at him, her cheeks lightly dusted with an obvious glow of embarrassment. “Are we just going to chat politely all night, like strangers?” She said nothing. “I mean, it wasn’t all that long ago that we were in bed together! If it was a mistake then at least let’s talk about it. Anything but this bizarre civility.”
“Is that what it was? A mistake?”
“You know I don’t think that!” There was a rawness in Alex’s eyes and the intensity of his stare held Dani with such a fierceness, she felt momentarily suspended in time. “I just don’t feel in a position to apply any pressure. You know if I had my way we’d be upstairs now.”
“So it’s all up to me is it? I have to decide where we go from here? That hardly seems fair.”
Alex looked at her, aware that with every word spoken he was getting closer to his imaginary thin line. A line he had drawn up as some kind of naive protection that signified the difference between a degree of safety and that slippery slope to emotional involvement. “None of this is fair! We just have to talk about it and see whether or not we can find a way of doing this that works for you. Like I said, I’m not really in a position to make demands.”
Dani thought for a moment. If they were baring their souls then she might as well be completely honest. “Something’s changed.” She fidgeted slightly. “I’m seeing someone.”
Elaine spent 25 years working in marketing and communications in the media and entertainment industries. This included seven years marketing national newspapers and a variety of senior executive roles in TV, radio and film. I Can’t Tell You Why is her first novel.
Elaine lives in North London with her husband and their two sons. When she’s not writing, she can be found looking harassed on the school run, cheering on the side lines of her sons’ football matches or singing her heart out at her local branch of Popchoir. Social Media Links –
Facebook: @elainerobertsonnorth
Instagram: @elaine_robertson_north
Twitter: @RobbieNorth
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